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| 2006: A Message From Vov Abraxas |
 | i've been going through a fair bit of catharsis lately about my experimentations with drugs in the latter of my teenage years.
not that i've done as much as some people i know. but then again it doesn't even matter anyways.
as long as i'm not having any flashbacks or food still tastes the same or my sense of color is still wicked, perhaps more wicked than it was before i experimented with drugs.
i guess i just realized lately that i like being more in tune with reality.
at the time it felt like i was seeking some sort of fabrication of reality, some alternate dream universe where you can still interact with your friends. |
maybe i wanted to watch things float with you.
or have reoccuring adrenaline rushes with you simeotaneously and in sync with eachother...
looking back at it all now, i don't regret it at all, i had a lot of fun, but i don't really know what any of it means anymore, nothing wrong with it since i'm not hurt, it just ceases to make sense.
i don't know why.
maybe i'm just growing up.
wow. growing up. it's actually happening...
it's not like a movie at all...
i've been feeling a bit emotional lately. but like, i have a better understanding of my own emotions now..
i'm pretty sad that one day i'm going to die, but i guess i don't know when that will happen so i guess i don't care.
plus when i die, people will appreciate my music a lot more so i guess that's not so bad.
people on earth can picture me hanging out with other people they admired that also passed on...
i'd like to be remembered after death alongside my closest artist friends when they die too.
in my own league i do hope i stay or gain my own place within, of course...
i want there to be a team of vagabonds who started off in danger bay ontario...
an unlikely place for anything meaningful to happen besides neil young driving through...
i want there to be a team of vagabond artists who assemble to create an organism...
an alternative system, lifestyle...
and relocate and spread...
the end of the world records...
i want us to create our own merchandise with our barehands using dire straits resources until we can afford our own industrial strength pressing aparati...
i want us to drink the raspberry juice of our talents...
i want us to eat the manacotti of our characters...
sitting at our legendary tables at 7:15 pm...
full stomachs.
i want us to have huge tent parties in various fields during the summer solstace, celebrating each one as if it were the last chance for the human race to make peace with itself...
huge PA systems in the middle of nowhere blasting dine peril...
a field of camping fans going apeshit for more...
a feeling like i accomplished everything i wanted to in life and now i can take a walk into the mountains and die peacefully beneath an apple tree in a rainy afternoon with a circular rainbow in the sky...
i want the world to know who left it when i die.
and i want my children to be respected because i struck a chord that meant something in the hearts of others.
my connection to music is the only thing that is 100% concrete in my life.
there's no way that i'm just going through some phaze at this point.
i want you all to love the shit out of me.
if you're a vov abraxas fan, just let me know you're with me.
i don't mind the reassurance. |
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